“Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic. Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice, and justice at its best is power correcting everything that stands against love.”
-The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
A few days ago racism came calling. That is nothing new in the United States of America, considering our history with chattel slavery and its aftermath. On any given day racism makes a cameo appearance. Racism is in many ways the waters in which we swim so it is no surprise when it shows up and shows out. But a few days ago my 12-year-old son came face to face with the insidiousness of being Black in America.
Every parent of color and especially every parent of African descent must eventually have “the talk” with their children. The talk isn’t about the traditional birds and bees, but the talk about being black and brown and how to navigate the waters that are often filled with unseen landmines that are the work of racism. It was time to have that talk.
This fall my son began sixth grade. We live in a pretty progressive, diverse neighborhood and he goes to a school where the staff and student body all have leadership that look like him. The principal of his school is African American. Yet even in a space where equity, diversity, and equality are prized, valued, and celebrated, the tendrils of racism crept silently in.
One of his classmates called my son the N-word.
Needless to say, our sixth grader was devastated. We took a long walk to process what happened. He was hurt, confused, and full of questions. We talked, we sat in silence, we processed. We hugged him a little tighter that evening at bedtime. I wish I could say he would be fine, but the damage has been done. He will heal from this first encounter but I am sadly sure it will not be the last time racism will invade his world.
The school did everything right. They offered care to my son, a phone call and invitation to the school to me as a parent, and the assurance that there will be consequences for the student offender. To be fair, the student who called him the N-word was not trying to be mean or hurtful or deliberately racist.
The student had heard the word used in a movie or TV show and not knowing any better, thought he would try it on. His family was appalled and very much embarrassed. But the damage had been done. Racism and its creeping affects, had intruded into the life of a sensitive, caring, and compassionate young African American who now had come face to face with life in America as a person of color.
I would like to think that our son will never have to face this again. I would like to think that we live in a society in which racism is not a thing. But we do not live in such a world. We have much work to do.
We often think of racism in terms of the big things: George Floyd being lynched on camera or crosses being burned on lawns. But most racism comes in the form of micro-racism. The backhanded compliments and comments, the crossing the street to avoid eye contact, the racially charged joke, the callously tossed “boy” or “girl” referring to adults, the unsolicited touching of hair. The list is long.
Like so many other people of color I have been on the receiving end of micro-racism. I choose which battles to fight. My skin is a little thicker, my self-worth a bit more fortified when those micro-aggressions come with a side order of micro-racism. I had hoped that my son wouldn’t have to do the same. I was wrong, even though deep down I knew.
As people of faith we covenant with God and each other to “seek and serve Christ in all persons loving our neighbor as ourselves… to respect the dignity of every human being.” Those are lofty ideals. They are the basis for building Beloved Community - an aspirational hope where everyone is seen, valued, and cared for, absent of poverty, hunger, and hate. As followers of Jesus we strive towards Beloved Community. I firmly believe that God commands us to engage in the hard work of dismantling racism in our time, one act of compassion and care at a time. We are not there yet.
Racism continues to evolve and change in our world and in the church. No matter how much anti-racism training, no matter how many book studies, or inclusion seminars, racism doesn’t go away, it evolves. Like the mythical hydra, racism finds a way of regenerating and morphing into something different. It is simply evil. We who follow Jesus know that love is the only force capable of casting out fear, destroying evil, and curing racism. We have work to do in striving towards Beloved Community.
Perhaps the next time you hear the thinly veiled racist joke, or hear the N-word casually thrown out in conversation or see a sibling in Christ who is a person of color being treated as anything but beloved, remember the covenant of your Baptism. Remember that you are called to build bridges, heal breaches, and mend biases. Remember who you are and, more importantly, remember whose you are, because racism depends on forgetting. When we forget our past, when we forget our call, when we forget our hope for Beloved Community, racism wins.
As for me and my house, we will hug my son a little tighter, we will pray a little harder, and we will love a bit deeper and dream of a world where all God’s children recognize and honor the image of God in every human being. We have work to do.
P.S. I would ask that when you see my son with me at a visitation or event, please, please, please know that nothing needs to be said about this incident; no apologies need to be offered. A welcome smile and a hospitable handshake will suffice.